Yael Sherne, LMFT

3 Mantras For When Your Kid Has a Tantrum

Try repeating one or two of these mantras to yourself in the (heated) moment

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Licensed Therapists share their mental health tools, insights, and answers to a wide variety of mental health topics in weekly blogs and interviews. The Frame blog also features mental health advocates sharing their therapy journeys because every story is worth talking about. Frame is here to listen. 

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It can feel overwhelming (and sometimes even embarrassing) when our kids throw a tantrum. Try repeating one or two of these mantras to yourself in the moment:
1. I can take time to breathe. I can first self-regulate before moving to co-regulate.&nbsp;
2. They are having big feelings right now. They are not their tantrums.&nbsp;
3. The fact they are having a tantrum does not mean I am a bad parent.&nbsp;
 - Remember that a tantrum does not define a child, nor does it define a parent! - Take a deep breath, center yourself before reacting. - Remember to take time to regulate your emotions and response before trying to help them regulate themselves. - Try to acknowledge their big feelings while working to co-regulate back to a calmer state.
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/717" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #22374b;">- Yael Sherne</a>
About the Author:&nbsp;<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/717" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Frame therapist</a><a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/717" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">&nbsp;Yael Sherne&nbsp;</a>is&nbsp;a licensed psychotherapist based in Los Angeles. She supports individuals and couples through pivotal life transitions, helping them find healing and happiness within themselves and their most important relationships. She specializes in perinatal mental health, relationship issues, and parenting. You can read more of her work by visting her Frame profile <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/717" rel="noopener" target="_blank" id="__hsNewLink" style="color: #22374b;">here</a>.&nbsp;

It can feel overwhelming (and sometimes even embarrassing) when our kids throw a tantrum. Try repeating one or two of these mantras to yourself in the moment:

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2840%29.png

It can feel overwhelming (and sometimes even embarrassing) when our kids throw a tantrum. Try repeating one or two of these mantras to yourself in the moment:

Caroline Lay, MFT

Ask A Therapist: How Can Couples Rebuild Trust After Infidelity?

Advice on rebuilding a relationship after infidelity. 

Dear Therapist: I lied to a partner to cover up an infidelity committed before we had officially defined the relationship but while we were dating in a serious way. I lied multiple times to cover it up because I thought it would hurt him to find out and that it wouldn't be beneficial to tell him. This was gaslighting and wrong. How do we re-build trust in the relationship without sacrificing all privacy? He wants access to all text messages and photos of mine and I want to rebuild trust but in a healthy way. What are some ways to do this?
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1014" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Frame therapist Caroline Lay</a> weighs in... The beginning stages of a relationship can be confusing and unclear regarding expectations and it’s totally normal to want to protect your partner, especially if the infidelity was a mistake and insignificant to you. What is important now is that you both are trying to rebuild the relationship. With the right approach, you both can definitely move forward and continue to build a strong and healthy relationship.
Apologizing and admitting your mistakes to your partner is the first step in the rebuilding process. Acknowledging the infidelity and having that difficult conversation with your partner is important to express all your feelings and to give him a safe space to process and ask any questions he might have. Having this conversation will not only help your partner begin the forgiving stage but it will also help you forgive yourself.&nbsp;
Being honest is a key factor in starting a new strong foundation for your relationship. It might be easy to go the opposite direction and sacrifice your privacy to ensure your loyalty but that can be detrimental as well, as it does not allow you both to build trust with one another. Being honest with clear intentions with what you are sharing with your partner can be helpful in deciphering if you are sharing because you want to, or if you are sharing to overcompensate for your infidelity.&nbsp;
Direct communication and consistency are two helpful habits that are essential in rebuilding trust and for building long lasting successful relationships. Direct communication can mean having difficult and uncomfortable conversations. Although it may be difficult at first, being able to be open and direct with your partner leaves less room for conflicts, miscommunications and resentment. Consistency will help your partner be able to depend on you and feel secure in the relationship which will overall help rebuild trust in a healthy manner.
Putting these habits in place within your relationship will help you both rebuild your trust and maintain a healthy and secure relationship. Doing this with love will help you both remember how important you are to one another and that everyone makes mistakes. Rebuilding trust takes time and patience but I am confident you both can succeed using these tips!&nbsp;
--- About the author: Caroline Lay, AMT is an associate marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. Caroline specializes in working with young adults dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, women issues, immigrant issues, childhood trauma, and the Asian American experience. To learn more about her approach, or to get in touch, <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1014" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">explore her Frame profile here.</a><a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1014" rel="noopener" target="_blank" id="__hsNewLink">&nbsp;</a>
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Welcome to our weekly content series "Ask a Therapist" featuring real user-submitted questions, and the follow-up answers from Frame Therapists. We believe that everyone can benefit from hearing how people, just like them, get through their struggles, learn and grow.
Have a question you'd like to "Ask a Therapist"?&nbsp;<a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd2C_GF53LITwD2RmCLnKSpKTN4SuSlh22lcqjXPFT9k8dMOg/viewform" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #22374b;">Submit Your Question Here</a>
** This blog series is not suited for people who are in immediate crisis. If you are in crisis, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or contact Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.&nbsp;
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Dear Therapist: I lied to a partner to cover up an infidelity committed before we had officially defined the relationship but while we were dating in a serious way. I lied multiple times to cover it up because I thought it would hurt him to find out and that it wouldn't be beneficial to tell him. This was gaslighting and wrong. How do we re-build trust in the relationship without sacrificing all privacy? He wants access to all text messages and photos of mine and I want to rebuild trust but in a healthy way. What are some ways to do this?

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2857%29.png

Dear Therapist: I lied to a partner to cover up an infidelity committed before we had officially defined the relationship but while we were dating in a serious way. I lied multiple times to cover it up because I thought it would hurt him to find out and that it wouldn't be beneficial to tell him. This was gaslighting and wrong. How do we re-build trust in the relationship without sacrificing all privacy? He wants access to all text messages and photos of mine and I want to rebuild trust but in a healthy way. What are some ways to do this?

Dr. Natalie Zaragoza, LMFT

How Childhood Trauma Shows Up in the Workplace

 If you’re struggling to relax at work, exploring these ideas and what may be triggering you in therapy can be helpful.

Our work places have the tendency to be emotional environments because, well, humans are emotional. 
Our work systems often replicate aspects of our family systems because we are working in a group within an established role. If our family systems were toxic and chaotic, we can feel stressed, uneasy and reactive at work where the stakes to do well are high. It can feel like the pressure to do well means life or death, as it may have felt as a child. 
If you’re struggling to relax at work, exploring these ideas and what may be triggering you in therapy can be helpful.
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1007" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">- Dr. Natalie Zaragoza</a>
About the author: Dr. Natalie Zaragoza is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Orange County, CA. She is part of the Frame Therapy community and owns an emotionally-focused and somatic-based private practice and is a part time professor. She was born and raised in Southern CA. Learn more about her approach by visiting <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1007" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">her Frame profile here.&nbsp;</a>

Our work places have the tendency to be emotional environments because, well, humans are emotional.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2821%29-1.png

Our work places have the tendency to be emotional environments because, well, humans are emotional.

Sherlyn Frank, LCSW

Ask A Therapist: What To Do When You Don't Like Your Partner's Friends?

Communication with your partner is key. Learn 3 ways to start a hard, but necessary, conversation. 

Dear Therapist: My husband’s best friend annoys me so much. I’ve really tried to be patient with him because I know how much my husband loves him but almost everything he does irks me. He is very proactive about wanting to hang out, he’s dating someone new and is excited for us all to hang out with consistency. I really am trying to be kind here but I’m bummed every time we have to see them. His humor is childish, I don’t like the restaurant or bars he recommends we go to, I’m not into the same movies, literally everything! What do you do in this situation? I don’t plan to cut him out of my husband’s life, but can I cut him out of mine? (too harsh???)
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1460" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="font-weight: bold;">Frame Therapist Sherlyn Frank</a> weighs in... Let me start by saying that you are entitled to your feelings and that your ability to keep your husband, and his feelings in mind, is commendable.&nbsp; However, as his wife, you are entitled to feel differently about his best friend. He irks you and despite your best efforts, and love for your husband, you cannot enjoy your time together.&nbsp;&nbsp;
In relationships, we make sacrifices for the one’s we love but you are also under no obligation to spend time with someone that irks you.&nbsp; While you may not always share the same interests, this is your husband’s best friend not yours.&nbsp;
Have you shared your thoughts and feelings with your husband? Is it important to your husband that you join him and his best friend on couple’s dates? Can your husband make suggestions for restaurants and bars? Have you thought about being proactive and making recommendations?
The love and care that you have for your husband is evident.&nbsp; If the feelings are mutual, as his wife, he will also want you to feel excited and comfortable spending time with him and his best friend; it should be enjoyable for you, too!
It may be difficult to share your feelings about your husband’s best friend and his interests, but you can only suppress your true feelings for so long before they come out in anger and frustration. Write down how you feel about spending time with his best friend.&nbsp; This would give you an opportunity to clarify and filter your thoughts before talking to your husband.&nbsp;
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About the Therapist: <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/1460" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Sherlyn Frank</a> is a Clinical Social Worker licensed in New York and California with over 25 years of experience specializing in treating high functioning professional women with anxiety and depression. She is currently seeing adult clients as part of a group practice in Southern California while she transitions to private practice.
<hr>
Welcome to our weekly content series "Ask a Therapist" featuring real user-submitted questions, and the follow-up answers from Frame Therapists. We believe that everyone can benefit from hearing how people, just like them, get through their struggles, grow and change. Have a question you'd like to "Ask a Therapist"?&nbsp;<a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd2C_GF53LITwD2RmCLnKSpKTN4SuSlh22lcqjXPFT9k8dMOg/viewform" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Submit Your Question Here</a>
** This blog series is not suited for people who are in immediate crisis. If you are in crisis, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or contact Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.

Dear Therapist: My husband’s best friend annoys me so much. I’ve really tried to be patient with him because I know how much my husband loves him but almost everything he does irks me. He is very proactive about wanting to hang out, he’s dating someone new and is excited for us all to hang out with consistency. I really am trying to be kind here but I’m bummed every time we have to see them. His humor is childish, I don’t like the restaurant or bars he recommends we go to, I’m not into the same movies, literally everything! What do you do in this situation? I don’t plan to cut him out of my husband’s life, but can I cut him out of mine? (too harsh???)

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/AAT-partners%20friends.png

Dear Therapist: My husband’s best friend annoys me so much. I’ve really tried to be patient with him because I know how much my husband loves him but almost everything he does irks me. He is very proactive about wanting to hang out, he’s dating someone new and is excited for us all to hang out with consistency. I really am trying to be kind here but I’m bummed every time we have to see them. His humor is childish, I don’t like the restaurant or bars he recommends we go to, I’m not into the same movies, literally everything! What do you do in this situation? I don’t plan to cut him out of my husband’s life, but can I cut him out of mine? (too harsh???)

Dr. Veronica Eyo, LCSW

Parenting Myths, Busted

Parenting myth busted by Therapist Dr. Veronica Eyo

As parents, we want the best for our kids, and often when we think about the best we think in terms of positive experiences. The reality though is that always having positive experiences is not possible. Struggling is a part of life. Just like you can struggle and still be doing your best. The same can be true for your child. You are still enormous support for them during times of struggle. Cheering for you, mama.
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/826" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">- Dr. Veronica Eyo </a>
About the author: Dr. Veronica Eyo is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Los Angeles, CA. She provides individual and couples counseling services, and have a passion for working with mamas, new and seasoned, and with first-generation college students. Learn more or connect with Dr. Eyo by visiting <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/826" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">her Frame profile.&nbsp;</a>

As parents, we want the best for our kids, and often when we think about the best we think in terms of positive experiences. The reality though is that always having positive experiences is not possible. Struggling is a part of life. Just like you can struggle and still be doing your best. The same can be true for your child. You are still enormous support for them during times of struggle. Cheering for you, mama.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2838%29.png

As parents, we want the best for our kids, and often when we think about the best we think in terms of positive experiences. The reality though is that always having positive experiences is not possible. Struggling is a part of life. Just like you can struggle and still be doing your best. The same can be true for your child. You are still enormous support for them during times of struggle. Cheering for you, mama.

Sage Grazer, Frame Co-Founder & LCSW

The Difference Between Guilt and Shame

Understanding the difference between guilt and shame has a large impact on the way you speak to yourself, and therefore view yourself. Frame therapist Sage Grazer makes the distinction here between the two experiences. 

Therapist <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/632" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Sage Grazer </a>explains... Understanding the difference between guilt and shame isn’t just semantics. Guilt places the focus on behavior whereas shame focuses on self.
If you can step back and separate your behavior from your being, you may be able to gain a better perspective on your experiences of guilt and shame.
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About the Author:&nbsp;<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/632" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Sage Grazer</a> is the Chief Clinical Offer &amp; Co-founder of Frame Therapy. Follow her for more content <a href="https://www.instagram.com/sagegrazerlcsw/" rel="noopener" style="color: #ff6943;">@sagegrazerlcsw</a>

Therapist <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/632" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Sage Grazer </a>explains... Understanding the difference between guilt and shame isn’t just semantics. Guilt places the focus on behavior whereas shame focuses on self.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%288%29.png

Therapist <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/632" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Sage Grazer </a>explains... Understanding the difference between guilt and shame isn’t just semantics. Guilt places the focus on behavior whereas shame focuses on self.

The Difference Between Guilt and Shame

Sage Grazer, Frame Co-Founder & LCSW

Therapy 101, Personal Growth

April 5, 2022

1 min read

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3 Mantras For When Your Kid Has a Tantrum

Ask A Therapist: How Can Couples Rebuild Trust After Infidelity?

How Childhood Trauma Shows Up in the Workplace

Ask A Therapist: What To Do When You Don't Like Your Partner's Friends?

Parenting Myths, Busted