Dr. Veronica Eyo, LCSW

Parenting Myths, Busted

Parenting myth busted by Therapist Dr. Veronica Eyo

'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif

Licensed Therapists share their mental health tools, insights, and answers to a wide variety of mental health topics in weekly blogs and interviews. The Frame blog also features mental health advocates sharing their therapy journeys because every story is worth talking about. Frame is here to listen. 

Frame Therapy Blog

As parents, we want the best for our kids, and often when we think about the best we think in terms of positive experiences. The reality though is that always having positive experiences is not possible. Struggling is a part of life. Just like you can struggle and still be doing your best. The same can be true for your child. You are still enormous support for them during times of struggle. Cheering for you, mama.
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/826" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">- Dr. Veronica Eyo </a>
About the author: Dr. Veronica Eyo is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Los Angeles, CA. She provides individual and couples counseling services, and have a passion for working with mamas, new and seasoned, and with first-generation college students. Learn more or connect with Dr. Eyo by visiting <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/826" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">her Frame profile.&nbsp;</a>

As parents, we want the best for our kids, and often when we think about the best we think in terms of positive experiences. The reality though is that always having positive experiences is not possible. Struggling is a part of life. Just like you can struggle and still be doing your best. The same can be true for your child. You are still enormous support for them during times of struggle. Cheering for you, mama.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2838%29.png

As parents, we want the best for our kids, and often when we think about the best we think in terms of positive experiences. The reality though is that always having positive experiences is not possible. Struggling is a part of life. Just like you can struggle and still be doing your best. The same can be true for your child. You are still enormous support for them during times of struggle. Cheering for you, mama.

Ilona Varo, LMFT

A Therapist's Guide to Self-Regulation

Self-regulation refers to our ability to self-soothe, ground, and feel connected to our emotional and mental experience during times of discomfort.&nbsp;It is a great skill to practice since we can easily become overwhelmed by our external world, as well as our internal thoughts.&nbsp;
The way we “reset” is by focusing on our body and nervous system, rather than getting lost in the tumbleweeds of our mind/thoughts.
The mind can get hectic, chaotic, and overwhelmed. Thoughts start to race, we try to make sense of them, we try to control them, which leads to feeling even more dysregulation, or discomfort. A great way to create calm in the body is to detach from the thoughts or thinking, and focus on the sensations in the body.
Our mental/emotional experience works in 2 ways. First, there are messages that are sent down from the brain into the body, referred to as top-down information. Secondly, there are messages sent from the body up to the brain, which is referred to as bottom-up information.&nbsp;
People occasionally are more familiar, and more aware of one type of information flow over the other. It can be beneficial to begin to build awareness and pay attention to both, and notice how they interact, and affect your overall sense of well-being. 
For this five-minute mental health reset, we are going to explore a tool from <a href="https://tryframe.com/discussions/what-is-emdr" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">EMDR </a>called “Resourcing”.&nbsp; EMDR stands for eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing. This tool was developed originally for PTSD symptoms. In today’s day and age, a lot of our anxiety can be experienced in similarly dysregulating ways.&nbsp;Some dysregulation symptoms include rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, rumination of thoughts, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, feeling out of control, feeling on edge, feeling like a sense of safety is threatened, irritability, and more.
By practicing this tool of “resourcing” from EMDR, we will work on developing a felt sense of calm, safety, and groundedness.&nbsp;
We are not going to be worried about the thoughts, the meaning making, or the logical content of our experience.&nbsp;We are going to focus solely on the body, and create a grounded felt sense experience.&nbsp;
 LET'S BEGIN:&nbsp; 1. The Physical Practice-&nbsp;
The root of this type of resourcing is "bilateral stimulation", which means having a stimulation occurring on both sides of your body, in an alternating pattern.&nbsp;
The most common and soothing practice is either the butterfly tap, tapping your feet, or tapping your knees in an alternating fashion.&nbsp;
You can adjust the speed and intensity to whatever feels right to you.&nbsp;
Give that a go for a few seconds. Tune in to the sensation of the alternating tap. Bring awareness to the pace, pressure, and sensations which are activated internally.
 2. The Internal Practice:&nbsp;
Next, we are going to bring forth an internal resource using our imagination.&nbsp;
An internal resource is a person, place, thing, or imaginary character, which brings you a sense of nurturing, wisdom, protection, or any other internal quality that you would like to strengthen within.&nbsp;
You can really customize and tailor the type of internal resource you want to strengthen depending on what’s happening in your life.&nbsp;
For example, if you are struggling with confidence, social anxiety, or impostor syndrome, it can be helpful to imagine a character from a movie who you might admire in those situations. Someone who is fearless, outgoing, confident, resilient, and bold.
If you are seeking more comfort, nurturing, or unconditional love, you might want to imagine a beloved pet for example.&nbsp;
If you are seeking stillness or peace, you might want to resource yourself with a place (real or imaginary) which evokes a sense of calm. Perhaps a beautiful waterfall, a beach, or the mountains.&nbsp;
Follow your intuition, and give yourself what you are needing in this moment.&nbsp;
If you feel comfortable closing your eyes, that can deepen the experience.&nbsp; Practicing this with eyes closed is something to build up to. The experience seems very subtle and neutral from the outside, but it can be a profound experience for the person practicing it.&nbsp; [PLEASE NOTE: If you have a history of complex trauma, dissociation, or difficulty being in an embodied experience, I encourage you to keep your eyes open, and always listen to your body. If things get too uncomfortable, please stop or discontinue these practices.]
Next, see if you can describe with as many sensory details as possible, the essence of this person/place/character. 
For example, How do they walk? How do they talk? What are some distinguishing characteristics that they embody? Do they have a phrase that they often say? How do they make you feel when you think of them, or think of being around them? 
Engage the bilateral tapping and bring into your awareness all of the details of this person, place, or character.&nbsp;
Tune in to what you notice in your body. Notice if your breathing slows down a bit. Notice if any images, sensation, colors, or sounds appear.
Take some deep breaths and continue tapping on this practice.&nbsp;
See if there’s any wisdom, internal messages that come forward, or any internal shift that might be experienced.&nbsp;&nbsp;
When you feel complete, bring yourself back into the present awareness and into the room.&nbsp;
 A FEW REMINDERS:
This is a practice that you can do anywhere and anytime.&nbsp;
Play around with different characters, locations, and experiences.&nbsp;
Play around with different internal characteristics that you feel you would like to strengthen within. The traditional ones to start with are peace, nurturing, protection, wisdom.
Notice how you can carry this experience throughout the rest of your day.&nbsp;
The more you practice this, the more you are hardwiring your brain to be familiar with the characteristics that you are working on.&nbsp;
For example, if you are tapping on confidence, you will most likely begin to re-wire a familiar sense of confidence in the neural pathways of your brain, and make it more easily accessible to feel confident in difficult situations.&nbsp;
This is not a practice to do once and expect miraculous results.&nbsp;
This is something to practice, build on, and have in your mental health toolbox for whenever you feel dysregulated or emotionally experiencing discomfort. --- About the Author: <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/176" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Ilona Varo </a>is a Therapist &amp; Coach based on Los Angeles. To learn more about her approach, and explore addition content she has authored, <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/176" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">view her Frame profile here.&nbsp;</a> 
&nbsp;

Self-regulation refers to our ability to self-soothe, ground, and feel connected to our emotional and mental experience during times of discomfort.&nbsp;It is a great skill to practice since we can easily become overwhelmed by our external world, as well as our internal thoughts.&nbsp;

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2831%29.png

Self-regulation refers to our ability to self-soothe, ground, and feel connected to our emotional and mental experience during times of discomfort.&nbsp;It is a great skill to practice since we can easily become overwhelmed by our external world, as well as our internal thoughts.&nbsp;

Daniel Sapoznick, LCSW

Ask A Therapist: Is It Smart For Me To Quit My Job Right Now?

Frame Therapist Daniel Sapoznick provides a decision making check-list for major life transitions. 

Dear Therapist: I’m in my early 30s and want to shift career paths entirely but I’m now thinking, is that responsible of me? My husband and I want to start a family in the next year or so, so I’m really going back and forth on if now is the right time to make a big shift that could impact us financially. But then the other voice in my head says, “if not now, when”. It’s a conversation we have over and over, and I just want to make a decision. Do you have advice on how to make a decision like this? 
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/115" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Frame Therapist Daniel Sapoznick </a>weighs in... Leaving a safe but unsatisfying career path is itself a challenging decision to make.&nbsp; And -- I know first hand as a father of two kids under 5yrs -- that adding the immeasurable and often impossible-feeling task of being a good-enough-parent to that equation would appear to easily tip the answer to 'Stay' side of the current 9-to-5.&nbsp; I'd say there are a number of other variables which are crucial to consider on both sides of the equation.
What is the arc of your family's financial picture / plan at this point in your shared trajectory ?&nbsp; Already home-owners, or happily *not* home owners;&nbsp; Is your partner's income sufficient to comfortably float the family for an extended period of time while you retool &amp; ramp-up in your new path?&nbsp;&nbsp;
Less obviously, but also important to consider:&nbsp; If you choose to play it safe yet find yourself increasingly dissatisfied with work, what are the potential negative aspects of that path that may affect how you handle the awesome stress of becoming a parent.&nbsp; I'm writing this sitting here in Northern California, so when I say "awesome" in this context I mean both, "like way cool dude" and "like the most challenging thing you've ever tried."&nbsp; Being able to share that you love what you do with your children is unfortunately a somewhat unique but deeply impactful part of our equation.&nbsp; And ultimately of course, there are many more variables, likely of significant value, which are unique to your situation.&nbsp;&nbsp;
Consider drafting a +'s &amp; -'s&nbsp; column.&nbsp; Do it in at least two passes.&nbsp; An initial draft, sleep on it, and a second pass the next day, or at the end of a weekend.&nbsp; And, on a somewhat sober yet whimsical note, I'd say there's no luck in this decision-making process:&nbsp; take your time with it and aim to find the balance between what my cooly rational suggestions equate to, and what your heart may already be telling you. 
---
About the Therapist: Daniel Sapoznick is an LCSW based in CA. He calls his approach with clients "collaborative and active". Learn more about Daniel by exploring his <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/115" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Frame profile here.&nbsp;</a>
<hr>
Welcome to our weekly content series "Ask a Therapist" featuring real user-submitted questions, and the follow-up answers from Frame Therapists. We believe that everyone can benefit from hearing how people, just like them, get through their struggles, grow and change.
Have a question you'd like to "Ask a Therapist"?&nbsp;<a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd2C_GF53LITwD2RmCLnKSpKTN4SuSlh22lcqjXPFT9k8dMOg/viewform" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Submit Your Question Here</a> 
** This blog series is not suited for people who are in immediate crisis. If you are in crisis, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or contact Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.
&nbsp;

Dear Therapist: I’m in my early 30s and want to shift career paths entirely but I’m now thinking, is that responsible of me? My husband and I want to start a family in the next year or so, so I’m really going back and forth on if now is the right time to make a big shift that could impact us financially. But then the other voice in my head says, “if not now, when”. It’s a conversation we have over and over, and I just want to make a decision. Do you have advice on how to make a decision like this?

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/AAT-new%20job.png

Erica Basso, LMFT

Ask A Therapist: I'd Love Help on Processing Some of My Partner's Behavior

Exploring the differences in emotional maturity between partners. 

Dear Therapist: &nbsp;I’m happy in my relationship but I don't love everything about him - he treats me really well, but he has fights with friends and never seems to want to be the bigger person (i.e. ignoring them at parties, texting them rude messages). I don’t know how much this bothers me, as I can usually see and agree with his anger, just not how he handles it.
<a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/818" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">Frame Therapist Erica Basso weighs in…</a> I’m hearing that you are overall happy in your relationship, although you are noticing a pattern of behavior from your partner that seems to raise some concern for you and you’re not sure the extent to which this bothers you. I’m wondering if you’re also seeing a difference in the level of emotional maturity between you and your partner and how that may bleed into parts of your relationship that directly affects your bond as a couple. The length of your relationship may be helpful to consider here. I am curious how long you’ve been with your partner or how long you’ve known him for. Is this a new behavior or something that you have witnessed before? If this is a newer relationship, often couples have a period of being on their “best behavior” - treating their partner well, but after some time other parts of their personality that they have kept ‘hidden’ tend to come out. Could this possibly be what you are seeing now? In addition, could your partner be struggling with his mental health and that could explain his behavior towards his friends?
I’d encourage you to reflect on what happens internally when you see your partner responding to situations with friends in this manner. What thoughts or feelings arise for you? Do you experience any physical sensations in the body? Does he remind you of anyone from your past? It would be useful to consider how you as a couple generally hash out disagreements or fights together. Are the conversations effective, where both you and him are heard by each other? If there is no conflict, reflect on why that may be. While conflict is normal and can be a healthy part of relationship building, it’s all about how respectful it is done.
As referred to above, individuals in a couple relationship can have varying degrees of emotional maturity. How have you talked about this with your partner before? We can validate others’ feelings, but not the behaviors they exhibit. Is he able to express more vulnerable feelings in regards to fights with his friends? What do disagreements with his friends signify for him? This may open up dialogue to access more information on his emotional maturity levels and what is leading to his behaviors.
You mentioned he treats you well and you are happy, but you don’t love everything about him. It is normal not to love every part of our partners, yet still be in a healthy relationship. We’re all human and evolving at different rates, afterall. Emotional intelligence is definitely a skill that is learned. I’d encourage you to identify whether or not you both share the same values and what his behavior could possibly mean down the road if it never changed. Would it eventually change how you see him or respect him? These are important questions to identify just how much this is important to you. I hope that helps.
---
About the therapist: Erica Basso is a Licensed Marriage &amp; Family Therapist practicing statewide in California. She helps guide women in overcoming anxiety, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome. Learn more about Erica, and how to get in touch, by visiting <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/818" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">her Frame profile here.</a>&nbsp;
&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Dear Therapist: &nbsp;I’m happy in my relationship but I don't love everything about him - he treats me really well, but he has fights with friends and never seems to want to be the bigger person (i.e. ignoring them at parties, texting them rude messages). I don’t know how much this bothers me, as I can usually see and agree with his anger, just not how he handles it.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2856%29.png

Dear Therapist: &nbsp;I’m happy in my relationship but I don't love everything about him - he treats me really well, but he has fights with friends and never seems to want to be the bigger person (i.e. ignoring them at parties, texting them rude messages). I don’t know how much this bothers me, as I can usually see and agree with his anger, just not how he handles it.

Alex Pack, LMFT

11 Tips to Boost Your Mental Health

When we have limited power over “things” that affect our mental health, sometimes we need to focus our attention on what we can control. Here are 11 tips and strategies for better mental health. 

As we enter Summer 2022, there’s an understandable need for tips and strategies for better mental health. Just for starters, we’ve hit two years of a global pandemic, and now Californians are monitoring warfare in Europe. When we have limited power over “things” that affect our mental health, sometimes we need to focus our attention on what we can control. With that in mind, here is a list of 11 tips to boost your mental health.

<ol>
<li aria-level="1">Sleep: Sleep helps our body and mind recover, which we need in order to live healthy lives. We should be mindful of any changes in our sleep patterns (i.e. sleeping more than usual or sleeping less than usual). Sleep can act as a mirror - it can reflect our mood, stress, and anxiety levels. Tip: If you’re having difficulty falling or staying asleep, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep, consider getting out of bed and doing something soothing before returning to bed. </li>
<li>Exercise: I recognize that there are different factors that affect one’s ability to exercise. However, I think it’s still important to mention the benefits of exercise on our mental health. Even light aerobic exercise (like a walk around the neighborhood) can help reduce levels of stress hormones and increase natural “happy chemicals” in our brain, which can help improve our mood and make our experience of stress feel more manageable. </li>
<li>Diet: Just to be clear, diet does not equal “dieting”. Diet literally refers to the food we eat. The kinds of food we eat, as well as the amount of food, affects our mental wellbeing. Food gives us vital nutrients that we need to survive. This is a big reason why food insecurity is a huge deal, but that’s for a larger conversation. Be mindful of any changes in appetite (i.e. is it bigger or smaller than usual). This is another way our body gives us more information regarding our mood, stress, and anxiety levels. </li>
<li>Social Support: The pandemic has disrupted the way in which most of us receive social support from friends, family members, loved ones, and other communities we are a part of. Humans are social beings - we need to feel connected to something other than ourselves. Isolation is one of the most common threats to mental wellbeing. Reaching out to people for support requires courage, but social support is incredibly important. If you’re struggling to feel connected, you can search for local support groups via websites like Mental Health America and NAMI. </li>
<li>Boundaries: Just as I stressed the importance of social support and connection, we also need to talk about boundaries. Boundaries essentially help us protect our self-worth, emotional wellbeing, and our relationships. They are necessary for healthy relationships with friends, loved ones, family members, and work. Boundary setting can be difficult for many of us, but remember that they are not selfish or mean. They are fundamental to healthy relationships and a healthy life. </li>
<li>Limiting Media Intake: In 2022, you can get the news through your television, computer, tablet, phone… heck, even your watch. Staying informed is okay, but be mindful of the impact on your mental health. Finding a healthy balance is key. </li>
<li>Mindfulness: More people are using mindfulness and meditation than ever before - and for good reason. For decades, empirical evidence suggests that a mindfulness practice can help reduce anxiety and stress. Mindfulness teaches us how to relate to our feelings and thoughts in a less judgmental and reactive way. Thus making it easier to be present, more grounded, and more connected. Check out several guided mindfulness meditations on tryframe.com.&nbsp; </li>
<li>Journaling: Journaling allows our thoughts, feelings, worries, and concerns to live somewhere else other than our mind. Sometimes our internal world can feel like a big tangled mess, and journaling can help us detangle things in a way that feels more manageable. You can start by writing in a notebook or simply just opening up a note on your phone - whatever works best for you. </li>
<li>Tiny Steps Technique: Accomplishing tasks when we’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious can be really challenging. With the tiny steps technique, you start by choosing a task and breaking it down into not just small, but tiny steps. For example, let’s say I want to go for a jog. Tiny steps could look something like: 1) Grab my running shoes from the closet 2) Take out my workout clothes 3) Drink some water and so on. It might seem silly, but this technique can be massively effective when we’re feeling overwhelmed. </li>
<li>Empathy: Empathy is one of the most powerful tools a person can use. It is our ability to understand how and why others feel the way they do. What we are starting to understand more and more is that our ability to understand others also helps us have empathy and compassion for ourselves. Talk about a win-win. </li>
<li>Small moments of joy: With everything that’s going on in the world and everything that you have been through over the past two years, the little things in life that bring you joy make a world of difference. Maybe it’s that morning cup of coffee, or the sitcom you watch before bed, or some weird thing your pet does… whatever it is, take a moment to pause next time and appreciate the joy you feel.</li>
</ol>
--- About the author: <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/568" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="font-weight: bold; color: #ff6943;">Alex Pack</a> is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles. He works with anxiety, depression, stress, and relationship problems, as well as building self-esteem and developing a healthier sense of self. He believes that through collaborative work, healing is possible. You can connect with Alex directly via <a href="https://client.tryframe.com/therapists/568" rel="noopener" target="_blank" style="color: #ff6943;">his Frame Therapy profile here</a>. Reach out to schedule a free intro call.&nbsp;

As we enter Summer 2022, there’s an understandable need for tips and strategies for better mental health. Just for starters, we’ve hit two years of a global pandemic, and now Californians are monitoring warfare in Europe. When we have limited power over “things” that affect our mental health, sometimes we need to focus our attention on what we can control. With that in mind, here is a list of 11 tips to boost your mental health.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Image%20Templates%20%2812%29-1.png

As we enter Summer 2022, there’s an understandable need for tips and strategies for better mental health. Just for starters, we’ve hit two years of a global pandemic, and now Californians are monitoring warfare in Europe. When we have limited power over “things” that affect our mental health, sometimes we need to focus our attention on what we can control. With that in mind, here is a list of 11 tips to boost your mental health.

Sue Smith, LCSW

What is Your Relationship with "Aggression"?

A look at the interplay of shame & aggression, and how we view or judge our own emotions. 

Looking at the interplay of aggression and shame — Many people think of "aggression" as a bad thing. 

Some people are afraid of their own aggression or ashamed of even experiencing it, which can lead to attempts to suppress and then subsequent outbursts that feel out of control and reinforce the feelings of fear, and shame of aggression.
This is a wonderful example of something you can bring into the therapy room, and explore with your therapist. What is your own experience with judging your emotions?&nbsp;
- Sue Smith, LCSW
About the author:&nbsp;Sue Smith is an LA based LCSW who primarily sees young women ages 20-30 in her practice.&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Looking at the interplay of aggression and shame — Many people think of "aggression" as a bad thing.

https://8349570.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/8349570/Edited%20blog%20sue2.png

Looking at the interplay of aggression and shame — Many people think of "aggression" as a bad thing.

What is Your Relationship with "Aggression"?

Sue Smith, LCSW

Personal Growth

April 26, 2022

1 min read

Online recommendations

More Articles

Parenting Myths, Busted

A Therapist's Guide to Self-Regulation

Ask A Therapist: Is It Smart For Me To Quit My Job Right Now?

Ask A Therapist: I'd Love Help on Processing Some of My Partner's Behavior

11 Tips to Boost Your Mental Health